by barbaraluther on June 15, 2010

If you’re reading this, then either you or someone you know has ADD/ADHD.

I’m a life coach who specializes in working with people who are blessed with this very unique brain type.

I show my clients how their diagnosis is actually a gift that when harnessed correctly can help them achieve their goals.

Go ahead and click around and read more! I welcome the opportunity to speak with you about how ADD/ADHD Tuned Coaching CAN HELP YOU SOAR!

Reach out and make contact. Let’s see how high we can soar!

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A powerful metaphor…

by jackiejmo on August 4, 2014

A powerful metaphor for parents, spouses, and those supporting a person with ADHD

A young boy’s mother yelled at her ADHD son no matter what he did, and she demeaned him at every turn. Understanding that this mother had fallen into a terrible pattern of verbal abuse — even though she knew it wasn’t working, she didn’t know any other way — I explained, “You are dropping a wrecking ball onto your son’s foundation with every word you yell at him. You want your son to do well, but you are obliterating his confidence and self esteem. What sort of life do you expect him to build on such a damaged foundation?”

Does this scenario hit too close to home? We have all said things that actually hurt when we truly wanted to help or be supportive. We often react in the moment or — like the mother in this story — just keep doing and saying what we have always said because it’s become a habit. Sometimes, we raise our voices because we feel so frantic about the behavior that has upset us and what we think it represents. We have awful stories going on in our heads and, sometimes, we’re saying those awful things out loud.

Next time you open your mouth to spew something negative, pause a moment if you can. Think about the person in front of you. Is he or she really an ogre? Okay, they did something that upset you and that’s not right, but what do you want out of this situation? If it’s vengeance, retribution, or payback, then spew away.

But if you want different behavior next time (and a good relationship long-term), consider a different approach:

    1. Appreciate the person for who he/she is (“You want to do well” or “You are usually thoughtful”)
    2. Acknowledge effort or ability (“You did write a note, trying to remember” or “You are so good at your work that you get lost in it”)
    3. Recognize true limitations (“Hmm, ADHD made this hard for him/her somehow”)
    4. Speak to strengths, past success, values, and interests (“I know you value your family and didn’t intend to hurt our feelings . . . “)
    5. Ask what could have helped to get the outcome you both wanted (” . . so what do you need next time to be sure you can make the kids’ school events?”)

Taking this different approach will keep a person’s foundation and self esteem intact. So, you have a choice: drop that wrecking ball and crumble your loved one’s self esteem (and your future relationship) or breathe and remember that this is a good person you care about who slipped up or who was tripped up by their ADHD. When we recognize and accept that ADHD is in the mix, it’s not a tragedy, but it does mean that it’s often hard for the person with ADHD to be the person they want to be. That does impact you, of course, but your loved one is so much more than their ADHD, and working together with compassion, love, and a willingness to understand and offer support, you can build a beautiful life.

Those with ADHD, sadly, have had a lot of wrecking balls dropped on their foundations, and too many have learned to drop the wrecking balls themselves as they repeat the harsh judgments they’ve heard over and over again. As an ADHD coach, my job is to help ADHD clients lay a strong foundation built on strengths, successes, and an understanding of their ADHD brain wiring and processing styles so that they can build a glorious life of satisfying accomplishments and contribution. It’s never too late to build a strong foundation, so get started today building rather than wrecking.


ADHD Parallels with Other Misunderstood Causes

December 13, 2013

If you missed my article in October’s Attention magazine, here’s your chance to check it out. Click here to read the article now.

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What a Summer!

September 2, 2013

Can you believe it’s Labor Day already? It’s time to gather the fruits of our summer labor. To me, that means pausing to acknowledge accomplishments, celebrate milestones, etc., and feel grateful. Accomplishments? Yes, if you’ve been alive and functioning on this planet for these past summer months, you have accomplishments. Even if one is a […]

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Setting Goals When You’re Inattentive

July 7, 2013

One of the striking things I find about inattentive clients (and myself) is that they don’t think to identify goals with specificity.  I may think that I want something to happen, but it doesn’t occur to me to decide when I want it, how badly I want it, and what I can do to assure […]

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Are You a High Intensive?

June 30, 2013

I’ve been having a conversation with my coaching students and colleagues about the intensity ADDers experience and the spectrum of that intensity from individual to individual.  I’ve long said that ADDers experience life more intensely than the general population, but I’m still just realizing the extent of the variability of intensity from person to person.  […]

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Ideas From Temple Grandin’s The Autistic Brain

June 26, 2013

I’ve always found Temple Grandin’s books quite powerful, and I’m equally happy with this new one, The Autistic Brain:  Thinking Across the Spectrum. I love her admonition to parents and teachers to avoid defining a person by a DSM label.  There were two huge things I’m taking from this book:  She points out how totally […]

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