In the March issue of Reader’s Digest, they shared winning entries in a challenge contest they had run. It went like this: Write a story about some aspect of your life in 150 or fewer words. The goal was for people to tell their story or share a life experience. The entries published in the issue were incredible. One stood out for me:

A Meaningless Diagnosis by Brian Mayer

Most would not smile in my position. I sat across from the psychiatrist, holding my wife’s hand as our two-year-old son played inattentively in the background. “The severity of your son’s autism will likely prevent him from ever being independent. It is very possible that he will never speak or have friends. The comorbidity of mental retardation will compound these challenges.” The psychiatrist paused and examined our expressions. My wife clenched my hand a little tighter, but she, too, smiled because we knew firsthand that the diagnosis was meaningless: When I was three, a psychiatrist told my parents the same thing about me.

I work every day with incredible people who have received a diagnosis of ADHD – and while it isn’t as feared as autism, most people sadly have a pretty negative perception around the diagnosis. But I happen to agree with Brian Mayer above: the diagnosis gives information, but it isn’t the final word.

Last month, I referenced author Nick Tasler and his book, The Impulse Factor. I really like how he concludes his book:

. . . genes are simply a guide to potential behaviors, as opposed to an all-inclusive determinant of behavior. For example, supposing that some variation of the DRD4 gene creates a reduced sensitivity to dopamine, it can only tell us that a person has a reduced sensitivity to dopamine. What it cannot determine is how that person will go about compensating for that reduced dopamine sensitivity. Maybe that individual will be a crazy driver, a compulsive gambler, a sex addict, a drug addict, or a deadbeat. Or maybe he will get his dopamine fix by burying himself in scientific endeavors and revolutionizing physics or neurology in the process. Or maybe she will push the boundaries of our thinking about the way people conduct business, or revolutionize how we as humans display compassion. To a large extent these paths will always be a matter of choice. Just as the launchpad can never fully determine the destination, neither can a gene ever fully determine the path we choose to follow. (pp. 221-222)

We can choose our story. What do you want your story to say about you and your life? It’s a great exercise to think about our life experiences and craft what our experiences mean and say about us. If this idea speaks to you, I hope you’ll take this challenge to write your personal 150 word life story. I bet it will be a gem!

Author Nick Tasler has some interesting information about ADHD in his 2008 book, The Impulse Factor: An Innovative Approach to Better Decision Making. After discussing some of the science behind the novelty-seeking gene and its connection to ADHD, he makes a distinction between ‘functional impulsivity’ and ‘dysfunctional impulsivity.” The primary distinction he makes is that a ‘functionally impulsive” person is able to remain focused on a goal and discern whether a particular impulse will move the person in the direction of that goal or not. He coined the term “directionally correct” to describe whether an impulse would serve a person or not.

Of course, being able to discern whether an impulse is ‘directionally correct’ or not requires that a person be able to:

1. Pause in the impulsive moment
2. Remember their goal
3. Consider the impulse’s impact on their goal

So much of the impact of ADHD can be managed when we learn to pause in the moment.

Let’s think about an example. You might have a goal of saving to buy your first home. As you are visiting with friends, the conversation turns to your buddy’s new car. Another friend is talking about an upcoming European vacation. Suddenly, you’re thinking about getting that Harley you’ve always wanted.

If you can pause and ask yourself whether getting the Harley right now will help or hinder reaching your goal of buying your first home, you will be able to discern whether the impulse is directionally correct or not. Of course, for those impacted by ADHD, that pause is pivotal.

Tasler’s book is insightful, but it does not take into account the difficulty those impacted by ADHD have in pausing when we have an impulsive idea. Nor does it take into account the challenge we may have even remembering our related goal in the moment. But Tasler’s book does give us a better understanding of how to approach our impulses and what’s possible when we pause, remember our goals, and choose how we want to act based on those goals.

Happy May Day! Do you remember when May 1st was the day we gathered flowers from the garden, tied them with pretty ribbons, and left them on friends’ doorsteps? I can remember picking little violets, tying them with a ribbon, and bringing them to Mom. She would help us make little bouquets for our neighbor friends. It was fun and exciting to work with the flowers, and the anticipation of surprising a friend with flowers was so delicious!

Where did that happy ritual go? It definitely feels like one worth bringing back. Here’s my May Day bouquet for you!

The jonquils in front of my house came early this spring. I love their bright, happy color! And the deep green leaves and stalks remind me of vibrant growth and health.

They stand up tall and strong, joyful after the cold, dormant winter.

Seeing them not only brightens my day but inspires me to explore how I can grow stronger and express my personal joyful exuberance.

Those of us impacted by ADHD are often the first to step forward and take a risk or try something new. We’re like the jonquils and crocus that sometimes pop up while the snow and ice may still surprise them. But we press forward, eager to grow and celebrate Spring. I consider this aspect of our ADHD a gift – a youthful exuberance which sees possibilities everywhere and stretches toward those possibilities.

Spring is definitely a time to blossom and grow. What is alive in you that wants to bloom right now? Welcome it and watch what appears.

Think about this and see if it rings true for you:

ADDers hyperfocus on their weaknesses and neglect to identify and appreciate their strengths. As a matter of fact, ADDers often dismiss their gifts or deny themselves opportunities to work from natural talents and abilities.

Does that surprise you? I see it every day as I work with my clients. It’s heartbreaking to see a person with intelligence, passion, and incredible capabilities not be able to see any of that in her/himself because she/he is so focused on what she/he can’t do or what she/he is not good at.

Now, I’m not saying that we don’t have weaknesses that need some work; what I’m saying is that we over-focus on the weaknesses to the detriment of enjoying our gifts and talents and benefiting from them. When we spend all our time blaming and shaming ourselves and bemoaning what we can’t do, we waste that time that we could be spending on what comes very naturally and easily for us.

Thus, the negatives seems to grow and expand to fill our attention, leaving little energy and attention for the good. Let’s take some of that focus and energy back. What can you do? What’s easy? What’s natural? What’s fun?

What would you like to be doing that you aren’t allowing yourself? There’s probably a strength or passion in that, and you would get some great energy from doing something you love – even for a little while. Give yourself a gift of doing that fun thing for a bit today and see what that does to your perspective and energy. It’s a worthwhile experiment.

A friend of mine has a new book out that offers fantastic information for many of us who feel like we’re going through life fooling people about how capable we are. Dr. Valerie Young has written The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the IMPOSTER SYNDROME and How to Thrive in Spite of It.

This excerpt comes from chapter 2:

Even Meryl Streep, the most Academy Award-nominated actor in history, gets cold feet at the beginning of every new project, telling a reporter, “You think, ‘Why would anyone want to see me again in a movie?’ And I don’t know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?” Meryl Streep, for crying out loud! If that doesn’t tell you something about how normal and absurd the imposter syndrome is, nothing will.

As esteemed choreographer Martha Graham once said, “No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.” When so many of the most acclaimed people on the planet feel like imposters, why wouldn’t you? Instead of berating yourself, do a little happy dance at the blessed unrest that allows you to share the human insecurity with some of the most talented people of all time.

Wow. When I think of the creative and driven ADDers I work with, I want to share this with them immediately! Perceiving our driven-ness and striving as “queer divine dissatisfaction” and “blessed unrest” experienced by the most talented people in the world certainly changes the energy and context for how we move through life and approach our personal projects and creative endeavors.

Valerie’s book is filled with great insights and steps we can take to recognize that we are not alone in feeling like an imposter AND to help us not let those imposter feelings hold us back.